Just when you start believing that your life is finally on track, something unexpected is thrown at you, and you are swept away. I have experienced it too many times over the past couple of decades of my existance to ignore it. To me, thats the beauty of life. As I open my eyes every morning, I eagerly wait for the new set of surprises that would be there awaiting me. And most of the times I have not been disappointed.

However, when those surprises are not that pleasant, I start feeling rather let down. For example, this trip of mine in Mumbai. As always, I landed in the city with a bundle of anticipation. I always look forward to coming here, since it has offered me some overwheming experiences. So the expectation keeps rising. But as life always has its way over us, I was once again presented with a number of surprises, most of which I didnt qiute like. Is the city loosing its charm? Or are my expectations irrational? Whatever it is, I feel this city has become more hostile to outsiders than it ever was. With each visit, I feel what seems like a steady detorioration. And I am forced to ask myself, what is happening to the most amazing city in my country? Does it have to do with the series of unfortunate incidents that wounded the city over the years? Or is it the steady stream of outsiders who have encroached into the already limited space here?

So, coming back to my rather disappointing surprise, for the first time in my life, I was unhappy being in Mumbai, and wanted to leave as soon as possible. And I heard myself saying I dont want to come back here again. Coming from a person who had taken up a job for peanuts to live in this city, I believe that is quite an overwhelming emotion.

But just to prove me wrong yet again, Mumbai took me for another joy ride. I found myself visitng my old haunts... bandstand, totos garage, sayeeba, shivaji park, naturals..... And suddenly me and Mumbai are good again!

A few days back I was talking to someone about my habit of maintaining a journal. The reaction I received wasn’t exactly expected. I was pleasantly surprised that some people actually believe that this whole journal thing may not be a great idea. Why? Because then you always have the option of living with the past. The question I was asked was rather simple, yet it took me a while to answer. The question was ‘why’. Why do I feel the need to maintain a journal? Do I read my old recordings? What is it that we get out of revisiting experiences? Learning from past mistakes? Reliving moments of joy?

For years I have been maintaining a journal almost on a daily basis. I started with my infantile impressions of the world, where I described my everyday affairs, tiffs with friends and so on. As my world view changed with time, the style of my journals changed simultaneously. Soon I found myself attempting to answer the cryptic questions that had formed in my mind. I found myself trying to break the various codes that had become a part of my life. Codes pertaining to my value systems, my ideologies, my experiences and the intense relationship each one of these share with the other. It is not that I found answers to all my questions during the exercise. But I always found some direction.

I write because the thoughts inside my head get an outlet, and hence a direction. The thoughts, once put into paper, tend to take a definitive shape, a perspective. It’s not meant to be looked in hindsight. It is supposed to give you future direction, a plan of action.