Choices

Are you someone who lives your life on your own terms? Or atleast you think you do? Have you ever thought how that really works? Living life in your own accord I mean... I have been observing something for a while now, and I have realised, much to my discomfort and dismay, that most of us live our lives based on decisions that are hardly our own... How many times have you heard or seen women who have been very sharp/smart girls in college... Who had the ambition of a successful corporate career... You know she will rise very quickly up the ladder the minute she joins a job. She gets married, and has to leave her job because it became impossible to run the house while she managed a full-time job. Her family thought since her husband is doing so well she need not bother earning. She should pursue higher causes... such as starting the family, to which she reluctantly agreed. Result? That smartest girl from class is very busy running a full household with the baby and the husband. Her career goals, very predictably, have gone into oblivion... How many of you have known woman who get married and get pregnant immediately. Usually the common reason turns out to be that the family members believe that its for the best. A lot of these women end up having to quit their jobs because it becomes too much for them to handle... New family, new relationships, plus the responsibility of a fragile life. It is not that these people are unhappy. It is not that they are having to do things completely against their will. If you see them, you will know they are definitely happy... Its just that they realised where the expectations lay, and adapted themselves accordingly. We all do that... At home, at work, in our relationships... But after seeing an overwhelming number of women around me continuously doing this, I started to wonder. Do men have to adapt as much as women do? I know of men who have given up their jobs and stayed home looking after baby since their wives wanted to work. Or of men who have moved cities because the wife got a transfer/new job. But these examples are few and far between... I am not a feminist. The reason I am saying it out aloud is because I wish to explain my stand. I am an egalitarian. I believe in equality. And in my interpretation, feminism falls a little ahead of that in the spectrum. Anyways, the point is that these instances have disturbed me to a great extent. Now I know you are thinking 'how naive'... Yes, I admit that it may be naive to suddenly wake up and see this. But atleast I acknowledge seeing it... I am amazed by the skewed distribution when it comes to adjustments that are made by a woman compared to a man, especially within the definition of marriage. Somewhere the identity of a woman gets entangled with the man's, gets diluted and eventually vanishes.... And the scary thought is that the whole adjustment part is done so naturally that often the person concerned doesn't even stop to think again... Its imbibed in our value systems... In our up-bringing... I dont think it is wrong to take care of those around you. I dont think its wrong to prioritise your family over your career... I just think its wrong for people to expect you will do it. I think its wrong for people to assume that its your duty to have babies and not aspire for something that you care for... And I have a HUGE problem with those who immediately judge for saying you want to live your life according to your free will. Because what they fail to understand is that anything that is forced upon someone is bound to fail... And they also fail to respect the person's judgement call for important choices that they need to make....