Choices

Are you someone who lives your life on your own terms? Or atleast you think you do? Have you ever thought how that really works? Living life in your own accord I mean... I have been observing something for a while now, and I have realised, much to my discomfort and dismay, that most of us live our lives based on decisions that are hardly our own... How many times have you heard or seen women who have been very sharp/smart girls in college... Who had the ambition of a successful corporate career... You know she will rise very quickly up the ladder the minute she joins a job. She gets married, and has to leave her job because it became impossible to run the house while she managed a full-time job. Her family thought since her husband is doing so well she need not bother earning. She should pursue higher causes... such as starting the family, to which she reluctantly agreed. Result? That smartest girl from class is very busy running a full household with the baby and the husband. Her career goals, very predictably, have gone into oblivion... How many of you have known woman who get married and get pregnant immediately. Usually the common reason turns out to be that the family members believe that its for the best. A lot of these women end up having to quit their jobs because it becomes too much for them to handle... New family, new relationships, plus the responsibility of a fragile life. It is not that these people are unhappy. It is not that they are having to do things completely against their will. If you see them, you will know they are definitely happy... Its just that they realised where the expectations lay, and adapted themselves accordingly. We all do that... At home, at work, in our relationships... But after seeing an overwhelming number of women around me continuously doing this, I started to wonder. Do men have to adapt as much as women do? I know of men who have given up their jobs and stayed home looking after baby since their wives wanted to work. Or of men who have moved cities because the wife got a transfer/new job. But these examples are few and far between... I am not a feminist. The reason I am saying it out aloud is because I wish to explain my stand. I am an egalitarian. I believe in equality. And in my interpretation, feminism falls a little ahead of that in the spectrum. Anyways, the point is that these instances have disturbed me to a great extent. Now I know you are thinking 'how naive'... Yes, I admit that it may be naive to suddenly wake up and see this. But atleast I acknowledge seeing it... I am amazed by the skewed distribution when it comes to adjustments that are made by a woman compared to a man, especially within the definition of marriage. Somewhere the identity of a woman gets entangled with the man's, gets diluted and eventually vanishes.... And the scary thought is that the whole adjustment part is done so naturally that often the person concerned doesn't even stop to think again... Its imbibed in our value systems... In our up-bringing... I dont think it is wrong to take care of those around you. I dont think its wrong to prioritise your family over your career... I just think its wrong for people to expect you will do it. I think its wrong for people to assume that its your duty to have babies and not aspire for something that you care for... And I have a HUGE problem with those who immediately judge for saying you want to live your life according to your free will. Because what they fail to understand is that anything that is forced upon someone is bound to fail... And they also fail to respect the person's judgement call for important choices that they need to make....

As the clock strikes two

As the clock strikes two every afternoon, my world comes to a standstill... I would be staring into the computer screen, or sitting in a meeting... And then, just like cinderalla, I tranform into sleeping beauty from dancing queen....

Slowly, my brain goes numb, my eyes become watery, and one giant yawn follows the other.... No matter what I am doing, sleep always manages to find its way into my head... I can feel the heaviness in the head and in my eyes... I try to stay up... I try to fight this feeling... But it always comes back with full force... My eyelids slowly and heavily head towards the downfall....

I find myself wishing for a soft bed, a softer pillow to hug, and a rug to cover myself... I dream of falling into a deep sleep.... Peaceful... happy sleep...

But ofcourse, as soon I doze into this happy thought, I jerk back to reality... Stealing glances at my co-workers... Hoping no one noticed me dozing off in my chair.... And by default, the boss-man would be passing by my cubicle right at that momnet. As if, he knew he could catch me red-handed....

Life oh life

Apologies for the prolonged silence. But I have reasons for the same, as usual. As life continues to be a roller-costar ride, I had finally let go. And I have to admit, I have been enjoying it thoroughly…
So where should I start? I guess the last week was my life in full blast… I lost my job Tuesday morning, much to my unpleasant surprise (I always wanted to quit on Monday morning, and this of course was a complete anti-climax). Thankfully, the job was not something I was actually enjoying, so it was what my mother would have described as a ‘blessing in disguise’…

After brooding over the unexpected unemployed status for a day, I decided that all this was an indicator from the Higher Power that I was meant to do something more meaningful. So I should spend time thinking about my future, exploring my options, and basically take it easy for the next few days. Of course all this pragmatism came only and only because of those around me…. I was amazed, touched and thrilled at the sheer support I got from everybody…. Especially my friends in this city… And I realized, once again, that I am a rather lucky idiot to have landed up with such beautiful souls around me…

Anyways, the very next day another guardian angel landed up at my doorstep with an offer I found hard to believe. Yes, you guessed it… He had a job offer… Something very different in terms of my employment context and history… But an offer nonetheless… Of doing something productive for a change… I was thrilled once again… And decided to take it up….

Boy am I glad about that decision… I have started travelling to a different part of the city… A very unique piece that the city has to offer… I was truly taken by surprise when I found myself driven into the locality. I walked into this nice big building that had a plush look. The elevators here are huge and very fast, showing time and date to those who care to look up. I couldn’t help remembering the elevator in my last job. It barely held two people, with the third person having to squeeze in hoping his/her butt doesn’t get squished by the gates. And then there a vigilant security guard who thought those working in that building did not have the right to step into the elevator. So he would always chase you out of the vicinity.

As I walked into the office, I couldn’t resist a smile. It looked like a real office!!!! Now you must be wondering why on earth am I going ga-ga over a stupid office space. But trust me, after having worked out of apartments for the most part of my life, this was a much welcome change.

So almost a week now I have been working in a ‘real’ corporate office. And surprisingly, I realized I do seem to have some skill sets which are compatible with the ‘for-profit’ sector. Now comes the biggest question… Am I willing to give up what I always knew I was meant to do? Am I ready to tread a different path where my heart does not lie? Honestly, the answer is no… All this wonders of the corporate world is perhaps the best indicator for me… I need to back where I belong… This is not my place… Not here, not now…. Not ever….